Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
