Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
