all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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