what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
