so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
