I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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