Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
