I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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