He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
