im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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