she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
