bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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