You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So drunk its hurt
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
