The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
