Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
