I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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