There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
