I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
