While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
