Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
