soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
