What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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