just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
