I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
