so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Too much gin, very little bucket
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
