wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
