There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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