So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize