oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
