omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
