Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize