We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize