you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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