just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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