we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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