I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
