Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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