New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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