Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
