so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
