I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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