he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
