First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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