I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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