i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
