so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drunk is not a location!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
