I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he thought i was a dude.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
