He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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