After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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