i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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