I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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