Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
