No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
