You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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