Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
