the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
