i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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