i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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