Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize