I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
