Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
