Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
