Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
