it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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