I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
