found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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