I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
