is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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