Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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