Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
