I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
