My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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