I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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