i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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