Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
