my vag is so smooth its legendary
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
