It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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