For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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