He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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