Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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