Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Congratulations! We have a period
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