seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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