Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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