It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
