Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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