apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
