We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
