when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
