I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
