he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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