I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
