question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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