why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
