fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Two words: blizzard sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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