Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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