We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
