My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
