Im at strip club and am horny
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The maid of honor just puked.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
