so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
